is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
