I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
