My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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