i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
