I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
