i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
