I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
