Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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