somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
