oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
