Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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