i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
