I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
