Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
