My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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