I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize