his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
