Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
