And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
