whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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