Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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