I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
