So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
