I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
