She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
