Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
