1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
