Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You were trust falling into bushes
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
