ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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