No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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