your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
