Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i out mim tonsoeep
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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