I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Shame - the story of my life.
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