like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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