I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
