i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
