I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's always time for handjobs
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
