if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize