Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
