I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
