I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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