I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
