how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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