I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
