I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
