i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Drunk is a universal language darling
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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