watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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