So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
