I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
