well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
