Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
