I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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