Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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