Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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