my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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