Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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