this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
