the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
