arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
