Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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