I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
