Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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