She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
