he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize