im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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