Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
