So drunk its hurt
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
