so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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