i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
