getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize