i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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